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Lessons learned in Denmark: I am not a snobby food critic

In the latest S&M shenanigans, this morning started with our latest foray into travel hacking: “becoming one”. Now before your dirty mind takes you to places it is ok in every culture for a married couple to go, this is really about how we squeezed 6 cents out of a nickel.

That's really the long way of saying we snuck Shanon into a hostel bunk supposedly only occupied by Matthew. We're still not sure if it was the orchestra of snores or how eerily similar the bunks were to Navy berthing, but we both woke up on the wrong side of the bunk - and Shanon got to do it twice.

Shanon, being the early riser that she is was again woken up by baby poppyseed pushing on her bladder for the 3rd time that night around 7 AM. Matthew being the perpetual night owl and master of sleeping, refused to wake up despite 3 alarms, 2 purple nurples and several attempts to kick him off the bunk. Obviously, this meant that Shanon got another nap and finally we both reluctantly rolled out of bed around 10 when we heard the cleaners come through (would it be weird for them to see 4 feet sticking out of a single occupancy bunk?!).

Who knows if it's the hearing loss from several years in the Marine Corps or the selective hearing that comes with becoming a husband, but Matthew never heard Shanon tell him that she didn't order him breakfast, but the realization that food was not part of their immediate morning did not prove to be a good way to start the day.

Neither did walking a block in the opposite direction to find the nearest cafe. (Note: Shanon was a shipboard navigator tasked with the job of land nav this morning... and she's pregnant, isn't that also a viable excuse?)

Then, the Polish cafe Matthew looked forward to starting his day with didn't exist. Unless it was a morning speakeasy behind a pharmacy, it simply wasn't there.

Then, we didn't have 2.5 hours of morning leisure to enjoy the only decent looking breakfast item at the cafe we did manage to find.

As if that wasn’t enough for a dreary Monday morning, we got lost again trying to find the train station with minutes to spare before our imminent departure (note: trains tend to gather at the hub not the station).

Needless to say this all happened before a 3.5 hour train ride with a crying baby on one side and the world’s most annoying toddler, and even worse parents on the other…so much to look forward to.

Nonetheless, after countless hours of travel over the course of 5 weeks, this was enough to put us both on edge...

Not to mention the sandwiches we had to get due to our time constraint and lack of alternative choices were... not good. Artichokes don’t go in sandwiches. Prove us wrong.

We got to Copenhagen wide eyed and eager to have a more energetic turn to the day but were greeted with 50 degree weather and rain. Good thing Shanon convinced Matthew to bring a raincoat or the fussiness would have continued (do the math, we hadn't eaten in 4 hours).

At least our hostel turned out to be something we would write home about. We booked CityHub hostels which look like something out of Star Trek combined with a coworking space with the undertones of... something that is definitely rated R. Each sleeping pod consisted of a closet sized standing space/closet and a double bed, surrounded by led lights that can be set to your mood, and accompanied by a Bluetooth speaker to further "set the mood". Upon climbing into the bed, all you can stare at is a "what happens in your hub..." sign adorned on top of a camera holder aimed right at the bed, causing any mature adult to question the nature of the hostel... is there another reason the 400+ hubs in here are soundproof AND everyone gets a silky black robe? The suspicion is real.

Anyway, this all happened before we tried our first Michelin meal of the trip at Marv & Ben (Marrow & Bone), a Bib Gourmand restaurant in the heart of Copenhagen. Upon starting our meal, Shanon was complaining about being uninspired and stuck in a rut, so Matthew, being the typical male problem solver, came up with an exercise for them to do over the course of the 2.5 hour meal: take detailed notes on every dish and start writing restaurant reviews.

Shanon, having not been able to produce a blog post in weeks, figured she might as well try, for she had no better idea at the time. However, about halfway through the meal, she could no longer stand Matthew’s commentary on contrasting textures and flavor profiles. When she pointed out that he sounded like a pretentious prick (we have a very honest relationship), that’s when we learned that our forte is not in the realm of traditional food/travel reviews. We’d much rather let wary travelers know that should they dine at Marv & Ben, that they will be served ”the kind of apple juice that wakes up at 4:30 in the morning and runs a half marathon”. Note: we still don’t understand why a tire company gets to dictate how good restaurants are.

Despite a cloudy start to the day, we were fortunate to have ended the evening with full bellies and a comfortable place to shower and sleep. However, we also learned that lofted beds and communal restrooms aren’t the most conducive for pregnant women who wake up 3-4 times a night to pee though… we’re chalking this one up to being a typical Monday.

’Till the next sleepless night in a hostel pod,


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